There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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