it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Randomize
