Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
