I swear god or herbie drove my car home
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
