the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
