Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
