You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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