Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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