If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
