Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
