I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
