I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
