I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
