Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
