Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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