don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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