everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
