Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
