How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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