It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
