Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
