I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
