I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
