The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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