I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
