hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
