we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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