Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
