3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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