I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
