I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
