You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
40s are totally the cure
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
