I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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