Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
