I will die if light touches me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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