Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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