I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
