It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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