I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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