apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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