a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
