I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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