I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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