I think my fart just growled at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
