see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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