yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
