I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize