just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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