God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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