My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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