i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
