put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
