I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
