i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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