I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
