He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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