now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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