carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
