Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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