i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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