I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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