Your dad touched me again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
