I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
