Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
