I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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