ugly people sure do ruin things
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
