The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
