are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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