she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We don't watch enough power rangers
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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