she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i have herpe
just one?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
