I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
