I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
