how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
