'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
