people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
