even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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