You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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