Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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