i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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