Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
