tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
