what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
