He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
