Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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