I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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