Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
