Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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