I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
