Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
