my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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