WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
