I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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