i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
